insert title here

it's lyrics time again :P

Speak to me
For I have seen
Your waning smile
Your scars concealed
So far from home, do you know you're not alone
Sleep tonight
Sweet summerlight
Scattered yesterdays, the past is far away


How fast time passed by
The transience of life


Those wasted moments won't return
And we will never feel again


Beyond my dreams
Ever with me
You flash before my eyes, a final fading sigh
But the sun will (always) rise
And tears will dry
Of all that is to come, the dream has just begun


And time is speeding by
The transience of life


Those wasted moments wont return
And we will never feel again

still anathema. emotional winter. i'm thinking of the same person as in regret. the lyrics were so clear when i read them, i instantly thought of her.
but this was accidental. was listening to the song because of another person.
you know when someone asks you which news you want to hear, the good or the bad? well, i'm going to start with the good for no other reason then to ruin the whole logic in my train of thoughts :P.
so here it is
i decided to go to wacken open air festival next year. what is that, you ask? well, it's the biggest open air metal festival in the wolrd. normally that would impress me, but i would forget. but not this time. iron maiden is anounced to play and i simply cannot miss another opportunity to see the band i love the most playing live.
the festival is a year from now but tickets are allready on sale :))) i got mymind seton going and i really want to do it.
this thing had me psyched until..well, until i rememberd something.
and now comes the bad news. but i'm not going to say anything becausedeni will read this and i said i will shut up about it because it's simply too lame :P .the main idea is that it totally numbed the "wacken effect". bla bla bla
when, or if i get the mood, i'll blog about other stuff like b'estival and sepultura..
stay tuned..

regret

As I drift away... far away from you,
I feel all alone in a crowded room,
Thinking to myself
"There's no escape from this
fear
regret
loneliness..."

Visions of love and hate
A collage behind my eyes
Remnants of dying laughter
Echoes of silent cries

I wish I didn't know now that
I never knew then...
Flashback
Memories punish me again.
Sometimes I remember all the pain
that I have seen.
Sometimes I wonder what might
have been...

Visions of love and hate
A collage behind my eyes
Remnants of dying laughter
Echoes of silent cries

And sometimes I despair
At who I've become
I have to come to terms
With what I've done

The bittersweet taste of fate
We can't outrun the past
Destined to find an answer
A strength I never lost
I know there is a way,
My future is not set,
For the tide has turned
But still I never learned to live
without regret.

beautiful lyrics, beautiful song. anathema, regret.
and they are somewhat fitting. recently i found out that a person that i once held very close to my heart has pretty serious health issues. not just physically but mentally too. and i can't help feeling like a huge jerk because when i had the chance to comfort her i chose to be an angry child. and now..shes a million miles away, literally. all the way to the other side of the country and i can't be there for her to show her that i really care, that her pain hurts me too. we spoke, but the messenger is a poor excuse for communication. i want to hold her in my arms and make it all go away. want her to see that life can be beautifully. i want her to let go of her fears. wish i could be there. wish we could be closer. hope that next time when i see her i will cherish her more, because i see that i still care for her at some level.

i was alone, falling free, trying my best not to..remember

been thinking about this for a while. the state I'm in. i seem to have no real purpose, no goal, no drive. if it weren't for the fact i want to meet with Deni again and that i want to go to the seaside this summer i would almost invite a car to run over me.will look for further goals, but those are the most obvious ones..selfish bastard, i know.. wasting nights in drunken rages, and why not fueled by some light drugs, isn't a non option, with only the next day hangover as an inconvenient. laying around all day just surfing the net, having a drink and a chat with my friends, playing the occasional computer game, banging my head all night long in a club..those are options for me. doing my job, writing my degree paper, studying, writing all those stupid papers for uni..those are not options. actually, that work related stuff isn't so scary, and it leads to money and i would still do that..as for the rest there is a strange feeling, a mix between fear, sloth, and the plain old not giving a fuck..
blue mood indeed. if i were to draw a line and sum up i think it would be a big negative except in the friends section. for the moment i fell I'm connected to good people. apart from that i see nothing much. i have a sham of a job that still hasn't produced money, just ended a relationship that didn't even really begin, I'm faced with a real threat of failure at uni, and i don't seem to be able, or even want for that matter, to get off my ass.
to top it all off, it's that time of the year when I'm reminded of her, the one that got away. i once told her before going to a football match that football was the only thing that hadn't disappointed me. guess what? football disappointed me, and it disappointed me bad. some of you may not care, may say I'm stupid wasting energy on this. but i care, and it hurts.
I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me? it will have to be you, because I'm not the suicidal type :P

a trip to remember

my nose is red and it itches..so are my arms and the back of my neck. my throat is a little swollen, my head is heavy. almost all my clothes are hung to dry and i have a botle filled with sand siting on my desk. this is the epilogue.

prologue.

a short explanatian for non romanian readers (hello roo). the 1st of may is celebrated throughout the world but romanians vahe their own traditions. one of them is to go the seaside and may 1st is considered the oppening of the warm season. it usualy isnât very warm but that doesn't stop people from going by the thousands on the beaches. normaly i would go to the seaside when it's allright to take a bath, to get a tan adn that would mean june up until the start of september but this year i decided i will go to because i saw a window of oportunity. i had people to go with, had a tent. i had no money, but i was confident i would get some and i finally did. we weren't sure when we'd leave. there was a train early in the morning but all the tickets were allready sold out. there was another train that left at 1:30 p.m. and we were considering that one. finally i went to cosmin's dorm altough still we weren't decided when to leave. i met his friends of whom i've heard lots of stories. most of them involving lots of alcohool and a fair amount of light drugs. ramona, florin, gică and papi, ramona's boyfriend.

and it begins.

i arived at about 11 at the dorm and it was setled we would take the train that night. we went on foot to the station because it was close, and because there is no public transportation after midnight. we could already tell we would have a good time from the stupid jokes we made on the way. we were ready for the trip. we had beer, wine and a healthy stash of hash. after securing tickets we went on the platform which was packed with people going the same way. television reporters and cameramen sniffed around forinterview. of course, they came to us :p. the same stupid questions they always ask : "are you going to the seaside?" "Why are you going to the seaside?" "What are you going to do at the seaside?".
papi went ahead and jumped in while the train was still moving and ocupied seats for us. the train wasn't too packed but still it was crowded. seven hours lay ahead before we got to mangalia. the heat, ehaustion and alcohool claimed it's first victim only 2-3 hours after we left. that victim was puking his guts out in the bathroom...namely me :p. damn, the wine i brought was really strong stuff. i couldn't sleep because of all the chatter on the halway so i decided to stay outside to recover from the drinking. my mind was blurry but i knew i had to keep talking in order to be allright. something really funny happened on the way. the doors on our side of the cart were blocked so we climbed in through the next one. but at one station a lady started pulling on the door and screaming to the ones inside to open it. she didn't give even though they ttold her it is stuck so she kept hanging on as the train started moving. we were shocked and amused at the same time. that lady was hanging on for dear life while the train was speeding ahead. some even took pictures and filmed her. our bellies were aching from all the laughter. it's a good thing the next station was only 10 minutes or so away and she got off safe and sound. then the unbelievable happened. another person, this time a dude who probably got off to pee or something did the same thing. he was wearing only a t-shirt and it was very cold outside. this guy was braver and he was looking ahead showing no fear :)))))))) we found the strength to laugh our heads off again :)))). we were wondering how many daredevils he had missed while we weren't paying attention.
when we finaly arrived in mangalia we were barely standing either from exhaustion, too much drinking, or both. we had to get to vama veche by vans which are taking both tourist and locals to the nearby villages. after almost an hour of waiting in the now blazing sun we finally made it to one and in twenty minutes we were în vama veche.
we got to the camping spot and unpacked our tents. this task was not without laughing and stuff because some were drunk and stuborn :p. after a short strawl through vama veche we decided to sleep for a few hours.
the chain of events is a little blurry for me especialy during the day. anyway after we all woke up we had "business" to attend to. well, they had, but we all squeezed in one tent. the joint was lit and all of us, inluding me, took a puff out of it.
i have never smoked anything in my life, not even pretended to smoke. this was the first time ever i smoked (or tried to because apparently there is a certain technique to proper smoking which i havent mastered it seems). because i don't know how to moke the hash pretty much did nothing to me, or if it did i coouldn't tell because of all the alcohol :p.
the wind was almost a constant presence and that made it cold altough the sun was shining. the water was very cold but papi was brave enough to take a bath. i didn't say stupid enough, because to my knowledge he didn't catch a cold.
that night two bands were playing. o.c.s. (omul cu şobolani=man with rats, apparently freud wrote a book called something like that) and travka which is one of my favourite bands. problem is they were playing in different spots. i wante to go at travka but all the others wanted o.c.s. i didn't want to go alone so we decided to see o.c.s. and then go to travka because they were slightly delayed. we drank two or three botles of vodka plus some beer and considering that everybody else smoked and took some pills we were all ready to party :p. we danced, jumped, sang. we had fun. as for travka, only four of us made at the last three or four songs and two were off into the night pretty soon. we regrouped after that and went to club expirat on the beach. by then we had yet another botle of vodka. i met with some people i knew. they were all wasted. at some point everybody went to sleep except me, cos and other two people from our group but who came separately. more boose and some dancing to keep warm. it was a strange feeling.it was like a part of my mind held on for dear life while it was smuthered by alcohool. was aware of everything i was doing but i knew that it will all be blank in the morning. tried to call deni but she had the morning shift and was sleeping. wanted to talk to someone sobre so i could remember everything from that night later. kept the sms so my tactics worked :p
at one point i met with a girl. she was in highschool with fungus and we had allready met once. we were both wasted and pretty soon we were rolling in the sand, kissing, hands all over the place. we went to my tent..:D... :-".. and after that i took her to where she was staying. i was supposed to sleep with cos in the tent but he wasn't there. i figured he was sleeping with the guys in the other tent so i took advantage of the fact that his sleeping bag and blanket were there. it was 4:30 a.m. at about 6:30 cos woke me up. he wanted the sleeping bag. i was confused,. i asked him if he slept in the next tent and he said no. then i asked him where was he until then and he simply replied "i don't know". i was left with only the blanket and it got very cold in the morning. i stood there shivering until the sun rose.
the next day we went to the beach where we joked about the day before and the fact that certain people had memory blanks. we said that during those hours a cure for cancer was discovered. i bought three rom chocolates and won two rum shots a the concert in shire that night. i also got a temporary tattoo with a hammer and sickle on my hand. (rom is a chocolate with rum in it that uses the image of the communists for advertising. it was a very ppular brand during those times and it is still pretty good now). me and cos had bandanas an the others went and bought some too. we were the bandana group :))). after we ate something and we had some "business" again we went on the beach for the concerts. mărgineanu in shire and luna amară in stuf. once again we went from a concert to another. i called irina (the girl from the night before) and agreed to meet later. papi got sick so he and ramona had to go. the one left wandered on the beach for a while but then we went to the tents for some business. it was dark and the only light was provided by two nokia 1100 and their flashlight is not permanent. they went off at the same time and so the messed up several times before getting things right. we got through to the firts joint then i went on the beach to meet with irina. she was prety tired so we didnât stay very much. when i got back to the tent the others were still awake and laughing so i joined in the fun. cos and gică went to sleep so i and florin started talking all kinds of stuff. we said jokes, talked about girls. at one point we became very macabre. after an houror two of talking florin decided he was hungry and nagged me to go with him to eat something. it was about 5 a.m in the morning. finally i gave in and armed with a botle of vodka and all dressed up we went in search of food. we opted for shaorma. it was pretty delicious and it's good becuase we waited quite a while for it. we wanted to catch the sunrise but the steely wind quicly drove us away from the beach and into the tent.
monday. the last day there. we got up and went to eat something. after that we packed our tents and took our stuff to the beach. i spent some more time with irina talking and stuff.
it finaly came the time to leave vama veche. we had a train to catch at 17:07. just before we left some guy got in the van. we was sooo wasted. too much grass for him. he laughed like an idiot and talked rubbish all the way to mangalia. the dude was pretty funny.
at the station thre were lots of peopl in line to get tickets so we missed our train. no problem, we said, there is another one at 18:26. well, there was a problem. on that day that certain train didn't go all the way to bucharest but stopped in constanţa. the next train for bucharest was leaving from constanţa at 4a.m. cursing our luck we went to constanţa. on the way we were thinking of the incredible bad luck we had. we were about to spend 8 hours in the station. we decided that our luck would change if something really nasty happened to one of us. since florin is the smallest and he always gets picked on we thought it would be best to cut his arm or leg :p we came up with all sorts of gruesome techniques, the bloodier the more chance for good luck we thought. we were going insane allready and those eight hours didn't even start. just before we enetered constanţa we were all singing stephen lynch songs :p
we didn't know how to pass the time. the waiting room was to depressing. we stood on the platform for a while but we got away from there pretty fast because there was a large group of thieves plannig and stuff. damn, that one never happend to me, to see thieves discussing how much they will steal... we took our stuff and went to a fast food in the station building. we each bought a beer so they wouldn't kick us out:p . we read the newspaper, did crosswords, played poker, whist up until midnight. then we wnet down, sat on our luggage to sleep. i couldnât sleep because my feet were freezing. everyone else was covered by a blanket. so i spent the next hours walking in circles, sometimes humming a tune so as not to get too bored.
it finally was time for the train to leave. my mom worked for the railways so i got my ticket for free but the others decided to bribe the ticket guy. ramona was pessimistic about this and i foresaw it would be a she not a he. it was a she and ramona was right. she wouldn't hear of it and wanted to get them off the train. i kind of panicked. i had a ticket and was ok. both situations, me going to bucharest alone, or getting off with them seemed absurd. then the miracle happend. the ticket lady asked me if i was with them and i said yes. then she said something like :" why didn't you say so before? you're all ok" phew.
it was all pretty uneventful from now on. we got to bucharest a few minutes early then we all went our separate ways back home.
at about 10 a.m. i arrived at my house and i took a long shower. man, i nened that. i wanted it to last for days..just warm water on my body..
and that pretty much was it. it may not sound like this when i say it, but if you were there you would know it is something to remember

changes..

i was just chatting with a colleague from uni and this blog came to mind. she was asking me some stuff about tomorrow like what time do we get in and if we have a test paper. she is not the only one that asks me stuff like that, there are other colleagues that do, or did, that. they got the idea that i am the one to ask when it comes to uni stuff. and they used to be right. wasn't a great student in uni but at least i came daily and i knew almost everything there was to know. now i faded. i slowly stopped concentrating, stopped caring. not just at uni. this large forum i'm on. i recently completed a whole year of membership. there was a time when my curiosity was hungry and i knew all the latest gossip in there. shur even nicknamed me "bot" because i had answers about almost everything. now, although i'm a mod and make my presence felt in certain areas newcomers have no idea who i am and ask "older" members about me. i'm almost the stuff of legends now :)))))))).
i grew up alone. yup, i was a loner by circumstance and i came to the point where i both treasure and hate loneliness. maybe because i was lonely as a child i have the capacity to learn certain things on my own. when i wasn't alone i was surounded by lots of aquintances with whom i got along but none were true friends. and this happened for as long time. this has changed, or so i feel. in a short period i managed to meet persons that deserve a closer glimpse at the real me. part of my sense of loneliness is the feeling that nobody really knows me. and altough they don't know me they think they do and pass judgement acording to their view and that doesn't endear anyone to me.
i became close to some persons and to some even closer (physical distance is irrelevant) but i also started droping people from my heart. you see, i was a smart but ugly and nerdy kid so i wasn't exactly mister popularity. this changed over time and it came to the point when i was literally overwelmed by a wave of apreciation from others. this is still somewhat new to me. got tricked by this and allowed myself to get close to almost anyone who seemd interested. i feel i was wrong, a fool. i sometimes saw more there than it actually was and i was eventualy disapointed. no more. those who want to stand by me will do so but my fuse has been cut short and my love went cold. so from a shell i expanded and nowi'm retreating back and burning bridges behind me. scorched earth to satisfy the anger brewing inside me.
although things have techinally changed i still feel it comes down to the same thing, and that thing is not good. it is failure. perhaps it is poor situation management from my side. i don't know. it seems all i do is feed on illusions and choke on reality. i relly on the good in people too much it seems. and my answer to disapointment is anger. i can be quite cold and evil sometimes.
one thing that i hope will never change will be my joking mood which is neverending. even in the trows of despair i put in a mocking word of some kind. i once told someone, someone who ment a lot to me but now i see that it is nothing, that my sense of humor is my way of kicking life in the balls. the best thing about my humor is that it always makes me laugh :P.
well, enough for tonight.
p.s. internet explorer sucks incredibly large amounts of ass. i couldn't access my log in page at blogger. after i installed firefox it worked like a charm.

ask johnny

well, nobody asked me but i'm going to say it anyway :p. i've made a mental list with hot topics or just stuff that seems to cause controversy so this is my opinion about them. read carefully mortals for you are about to be served words of wisdom :)))

let's start alphabetically, shall we?
abortion
this is a real touchy subject and my general opinion is that it's best not t have them at all. reality however isn't that simple. i just think that people should be more careful not to make babies to start with, because most abortions happen because the baby is unwanted and i think there is something wrong with that. it's the womans body and nobody owns it but they have to be careful.

smoking
i don't smoke, never have and hope i never will smoke. i did and i still do a lot of second hand smoking because smokers are everywhere. i would like to live in a smoke free world. some say that is a pleasurable activity. so is having sex, but you don't hear about people getting cancer because their neighbors have sex now do you? if you want to die it's your choice, but unless you can find a way for all the smoke to safely go away you can just shove your pleasure up your ass and see if you like that.
and speaking of shoving things up the ass we get to the next topic:

homosexuals
i'm sticking with women when it comes to sex. i have nothing personal against gay people. it's their choice who the sleep with and i don't get cancer from that, that's for sure :))))) as long as i don't get accosted on the street it's OK (the spell checker disapproves of me writing OK with small letters but seems to be just fine with small letters at the beginning of each sentence. this is indeed a weird world we're living in). i too have that fantasy with two chicks but as far as lesbians go i seem to have an instinctual problem with the fact that i as a man am totally useless to them. gays are OK because there are more women out there for us straight guys (provided they are not lesbian :p ) but bisexuals are annoying because they are just greedy bastards :))) make up your mind.

drugs
drugs as in stuff you use to get high. mary jane, cocaine, heroin and any prescription drug out there which cause hallucinations and other weird effects if taken in large numbers. i know people which smoke weed and on ocasion pop a pill or twenty. the worst part with drugs in my opinion is that with drug dealers and all the crime surrounding it, because in the end junkies are just expressing their free will. i didn't take drugs until now and as far as weed goes i don't think so because i have something with smoking. thought about doing..

alcohol
i like to drink, i do. my favorite drink is bee and i even wrote a post on that topic. i believe that as long as you know what you are doing and you are not risking other peoples lives then if you like it, do it. i'm not very different when i'm drunk as opposed to people who get violent or annoying. i guess drinking is not for everybody. as far as underage drinking goes people do that a lot in my country and at very early ages too i'm sad to say. kids these days seem to start everything a whole lot earlier than my generation used to (i'm 21 in case someone who doesn't know me reads this). i was a kid and i started drinking at the age of 15 (legal drinking age in Romania is 18). hell, my worst ever drinking experience happened when i was 17. you have to be responsible if you decide to drink. it's really up to the drinker.

the war on terror
this is a favorite subject for americans. right, the war on terror. let's get serious and admit that whatever the "coalition of good" or of the willing or whatever is called is doing has nothing to do with protecting u.s citizens or other people. it's about money and power and..and well, that' about it. they are the ones who financed most of the terrorists and now they attack them because they are becoming a pain in the as probably. i just hope that all that crazy shit with suicide bombers and plane crashers wont ever affect me more than it has which is disrupting the programs on TV. in the end it's the people who will suffer the consequences of war and leaders will just get rich. politicians suck.
i sometims enter on sites to check out lyrics from songs and i always laugh when i see a bunch of americans talking about how every song more or less reffers to terrorists and the war in irak. get serious, noteverybody is obsessed with that

global warming.
we're fucked and we're going to die. not much we can do about it now.

diary of a sad man

it's sunday morning..very early in the morning. a group of crazy people is playing mime in a house in a mountain resort. they are having fun. dawn breakes. we had fun..i had fun..and i didnât have fun..i canât look at all of them, or not without mixed feelings.. i'm drunk..well not very drunk but i feel like my brain is swimming in beer and wine. time for some of us to leave home. yes, we should wake radu up, he told me he has to leave first thing in the morning.. bye bye radu..the other ones are late..come on..jedi will miss his train if you mope around. yes, i'm at the station, i'm coming through the back right now. bye bye jedi. i had fun. of course i did. i always have fun with andra. we're just two crazy kids. my cake rules and she knows it.yes..put finetti on it and pretend it has more chocolate that it actualy does. dudes, there is no more juice. wel, you enjoy your coffee. tea for me. i really would apreciate a shower but al l the stuff that comes before and after the actual shower, well i'm not in the mood for that so i guess i'll just go to sleep dressed. good idea. everybody woke up..i'm still standing in bed..i am tired and i have a splitting head ache. i pretend to be asleep when she enters..i can't look at her and i want her to realise that. it's 12 o'clock already and i'm still in bed. went to sleep 4 hours ago. i reminesce last night..moped around without any real desire most of the time. but still i had fun..yet i didn't. wish i would have drunk more..and less..my head hurts. i remember the last time i was in the same house. it was 4 months ago. then i didn't want to go. now i waited for the sweet salvation of the trip back home. i get up. i am hungry. yummy steak, sausages..oranges. no more juice but there is some mineral water. it's warm. kids, don't bother me..go play with someone else. yes, i'm for going to sinaia at the 1400m mark. oh, that means we are leabing in a couple of hours. ok, i'm riding with you now to avoid the cigarette smoke. time to say goodbye to another group. well, it's been kinda fun meeting some of you. thanks for the cooking, you're wife is ok. thanks for still caring about me. and you? well, thanks for acting like i'll eat you..but i realy don't care. hey sis, we'll be leaving in a couple of hours. do you have any travka? yes, i'll wait for the dvd's to be ready. these are different than the versions i have..but i still sing along. time to get ready. is she ready? she's not coming? ok, i'll ask. yup, you were right. she said she'll leave by train. time to go. get my pack. i'm saying goodbye to you now. you are kissing me and i don't really feel like huging you so i just slightly lay one hand on your shoulder. bye. won't see you.. a hug for my sis. ok, now we're realy going. stop counting mister owner..we will all eventualy leave. i really want to go home. i don't want to stay there any longer..but why do i feel like crying? it's not because i'm leaving. maybe it's because i will not be coming back the next time. yes, i dont feel like coming back.. well, it was fun. take care of the kids. bye.
goodbye.
and yet i had fun.

season start..sort of

this poor excuse for a winter is drawing to a close and the beginning of spring heralds the start of the football season. rapid's firts game was against poli timişoara (deni's hometown team). this was suposed to be a home game but becasue of soe incidents involving the fans the mach was suposed to take place at least 150 km from bucharest. it really sucked because i wanted to go to that game. the officials of the team wanted to play in braşov but the league dudes anused their power and forced the team to play atcraiova, a town which doesnât take kindly tp rapid fans. not that we take kindly to craiova fans. it was a little bit weird because on a stadium of about 35000 seats there were no more than 5000 fans divided in 3 sectors. one for rapid, one for poli, and one for the local fans who grabbed every oportunity they could to boo both teams. rapid and poli fans are brothers and me and deni are friends so a little wager was in place. if rapid won she would give me a poli scarf and i would give her a rapid scarf if poli won. rapid won 2-0 :D. now i'm waiting for that scarf to arrive so i can take it with me on the stadium. next came a cup game agains fc argeş. we advanced after extra time, again 2-0.
now we come to my start of the season. the next championship game was away at craiova. but they also had trouble with their fans and had to play the mach 150 km away. so the first home game was played nine hours by train away from me, nut the firts away was played only 10 minutes by tram from me :)))). you can imagine that i had to go. it's weird because altough it was played in our city it was considered away and we ad acces to a limited number of tickets. again the romanian ingenuity with two person tickets. luckily i hooked up with gullit who managed to score tickets saving me a trip all the way to our stadium. this game would be a good oportunity for me to "tes" my flag :D.
almost two hours before the start of the game i was siting in my room playing neverwinter (as i usualy do lately) when suddenly the phone rang. it was gullit. he was in front of the stadium and was waiting for me. he claimed that he'd told me that he would arrive early..well, i don't recall that.
now let's get technicall. every stadium is alligned on a north to south axis. rapid fans would sit in the northern part and craiova fans in the stands on the side across the official seats. the south part of the stadium is easier for me to reach, or so i think. so i went through the south. got off the tram and saw a crowd. you can imagine i was a little nervous when i saw they were not rapid fans and i had my scarf and flag that screamed "hey, a rapid fan" :p. well, didn't get too nervous because there was lots of police around. gullit called and i told him i'll get around the stadium to where he was. got to an entrance and a policeman stopped and asked for my ticket. it wasnât the entrance to the stands, it was just the alley surounding the stadium. told him my ticket is "expecting" me. he believed me after i got out my phone to call gullit. easy eoungh, i thought to myself and headed north along the stadium. well, not so easy. got stopped again by the police..what now? i was not allowed to go through there because it was near the players entrance...damn it. now i had to go around the whole stadium passsing by the entire craiova fans group while doing so. didn't see the look they gave me as i was trying to look focused on my way. got north. again police..dudeee..i was 10 meters away from the entrance and these guys wanted my ticket. called gullit for the hundreth time. only after 3 or 4 calls he finaly realised where i was and came to pick me up. again the weird feeling. this is the biggest stadium in romania with 60000+ seats and again there were not even 10000 fans present. the game was disapointing and it ended 0-0. all this fuss for a draw..damn.. they clearly showed that they couldn't score without extra time. well, this wasnât a cup game so a drwa was posible. i'm not going to buy season tickets because i'm not sure i'll be going to much more games on our stadium this season.. we're fighting for second place and the cup, seeing how dinamo virtualy won the championship in the first half.
ehh.. i miss those exciting uefa games..none of that this spring. none of the buterflies in the stomach either.. 2006 will go down in history as one darned year. let's hope that the ones to come will live up to its fame.

who i am

i'm kinda pissed right now. why? this has been an old isue in my head and i'm sure i'm not the only one who's ever thought about this. i'm reffering to the fact that some people seem to think they know us better than we do and have the nerve to tell us that we are wrong about something or that our actions are not what we are suposed to do. what the fuck? dudes, get this clear. nobody, and i mean nobody knows the real me, the entire me. some may know a big part of me, but believe me when i say that only i (and sometimes not even i) know. most of my curent aquintances have known me for 3 years max or not even that. should i remind you that i am 21 and maybe if you weren't there to witness certain aspects of my life it doesn't mean they weren't there and that they didnât influence who i am. i find myself frustrated sometimes because people donât seem to understand me. and when i state clearly what i want to say soe even have the nerve to say that they know better and that's not what i was actualy saying. no shit? the world is full of fucking mediums and fortune tellers. everybody else has this certain image about you and when you do something that doesn't quite fit the frame they jump and say "you know, he isn't acting like himself" really? who am i then? come on.. i would be curious if people came out with a list of things that i should or should not do to best match their image about me. no, i am not always all cheery and shit. i may snap at one point and ask people who have known me al my life and they'll tell you that my anger can get pretty intense. you push me, and i'll push back and at least at first i wont give a fuck if i hurt your feelings as long as i am annoyed. grow up, learn to be more careful and not sumarise people to quickly.
ok, it's not all bad. i feel that some persons around me are more mature and learn to deal with me without squishingme inside a box.
why this rant? because i managed to "disapoint" at least two persons today. one shouldn't really be pissed but hey, it's her business if she chooses to be that away. the other pushed me. don't push me because you'll only make me more stuborn and unreasonable. i do it on purpose because i hate being pushed into something.
respect me, and i'll respect you
enough said.
p.s. photo chosen by deni :)

cult meeting :p

ok..clearly all this time spent playing neverwinter night affected my brain in more than one weird way. but this is not about neverwinter(wow, what a shocker).
last tuesday i went to some concert with cosmin and some other people. the band was ok but seing that there was no entry fee the place was packed with fans. the free entry part is the reason i went there because altough i like the band i didn't have enough money to buy a ticket, drink a few beers and still have some left for wedensday when i wanted to go for yet another headbanging all nighter. after that we went to a club and because there was a sort of rock night me and cosmin decided to go downstairs to get wild :D. this is where the "cult" stuff begins :p. i saw cosmin talking to some chick. ok, i thought, she's picking him up or something. then he points at me. is she picking me up? neee..she's obviously selling something. finally she comes up (down more likely as i was sitting down enjoying my beer) and introduces herself. guess her name was claudia or something. i tend to forget names real quick after i meet someone. it's nothing personal as i tend to do this with virtualy everyone including incredibly hot chicks :p. she wasn't selling anything. she said she works for some project called "i do what i want but i know what i'm doing" and asked me if i was interested in coming to some meetings.this campaign is about sex and how to protect yourself against sexualy transmited diseases. the "polite and what the hell " me stepped in and said (what the hell) ok. gave her my cell phone number and was a little disapointed when i heard that some guy will call me to set the meeting. it was a chick who called me :p. if you donât know me very well, i'll explain what was going on in my head. imagie talking about sex with chicks :D. i'm so simple that i can be persuaded to do almost anything if it involves chicks :)))).
the first meeting was today and it just so happened that my uni program matched it perfectly (it wont be like this for the next meeting so i'm already thinking about ways to spend time..well, if the weather is right i may walk a portion of the road)
got close to the place i was suposed to find and i had some business to take care of first. called the publishing house and found out that my money still isnât coming and then i called my mom to let her know i'll be late.
found the place. wasnât expecting that building. i walk in and all i see is girls..damn..cute girls..oh, and a boy too :p. i was feeling like i eneded up on another planet at first. the boy left because he was at the second meeting and that was elsewhere. score one for me :)))))))))).later some other people showed up. girls and another two boys.nice people.
basicaly these meetings are some sort of awarenes and training sessions about sexualy transmited diseases. the main goal of the organization is to make sure that a certain percentage of the youth that goes to the clubs is informed and maybe they'll have a positive impact on the others. you see, romania is one of the first countries when it comes to sifilis and hiv infestations so this program is not at all something useles, or i hope it wont prove to be that way. there is a weird part about this. ok, i'll try to tell my friends to be carefull and stuff. but i disobeied these things myself. ok, i don't have to tell anyone i didn't use a condom but i still have a conscience that knows otherwise. thse meetings have some use because i think they really convince you unlike some random poster on the street or some flyer. plus they have soda and sanwhiches. mental note: make sure to eat some more, after all they are free and you must admit you were hungry :p.
got some nifty things too:p well, some small presies actualy but the child in merejoices anytime he gets something especialy if it's free :p (stuff is shown in pictures..yup, condoms. now all i have to do is find a use for them :p )i also have three cards that will give me 30% discount for testing.maye i should get tested to be on the safe side but these things cost and i return to the issue of my money which are still due..damn.
so this wasn't a bad choice for me. nice people, food, drinks, useful information.. ormaybe they used me for some sick twisted purpose and then hypnotised me to think i went to this nice meeting :)) so this is the cult link. why a neverwinter link? well, you can't walk too much in that game without finding a cult of some sort that plots some evil sheme . maybe they started out as nice meetings with nice people..who knows? :p